Our "dil goes hmmmmm," when we meet someone who’s "pretty, smart and funny"s. He’s cool and suave, a black belt in foot massage, a great cook. The same dil tells us, "Ek din ek pal hai jaaniya," take the plunge, fall in love. Heart goes ballistic. Is this the perfect man Is this the perfect woman Will we have a perfect relationship What is perfection anywaysWho knows Kyon ki "kahin ek mulakaat kaafi hai, kahin ek zindagi kam hai." Two strong minded individuals. Each one has a dream to follow. Each one wants something concrete from life. Each one wants to live life on his/her own terms.

But… "If they want Venus, Aphrodite and Penelope all rolled in one, then we want ‘a bloody man’, who is successful but not snobbish, interesting but not a smartass, witty but not a clown, sensitive but not a mamma’s boy, intelligent but not ‘Plato’-’nic’. We want a Martian to live on Venus, the way ‘Venus’-ians do, says the ‘perfect’ hunter, Shireen. "But, the big "but" comes in. A human being has the natural craving to cohabit. If it’s not pushed further by family pressures, it’s the hormones that play havoc," says Dr Sudha Garg.
The magic of romance pirouettes like dancing barefoot on the white sands. A sea of seductively blue emotions caresses our souls. The choice is between looking at life like a mistress in red lingerie or like a wife in a cotton night gown.We can save ourselves in the "nick of time" or we can say "yeh jeena bhi koi jeena hai lallu" and look for our own definition of perfection in our mate and the relationship. "Das saal baad," we don’t want to wake up with a tinge of regret and ask ourselves, "kya kuch tha"


So we just said "salaam namaste" to good old life with a new mate. The best foot forward. Truthfulness takes on new tints. It’s like a recipe - "kuch bataane mein mazaa hai, kuch chupane mein." We start living, whether a reality or myth, that somehow perfect love will complete us. Time to activate our "senses of humour," switch off logic, put our regulator on zero, search for perfections in our mate among all the imperfections of human nature. We see the whole world smiling with us.
"You are right, this painting will look better inside." "No, I like pizza." "If you can tolerate pizza, then surely I can help clean up." "Turn the volume down please, I have to get up early." " I got up early to cook breakfast - aadat pad jayegi." "I’ll be late." I’ll be waiting." Silk curtains, scented candles. Candlelight dinners, wine, making love in a dreamy tent. Picture perfect. But is it going to remain the perfect picture
"Egjactly!" "Frustrated yet smiling." Life bakes its "biscuits" for us. Sharp pellets of reality, crisp and hot, straight from the oven. Then we wonder, did we do the right thing by "the" trusting "the love, the life, the partner" to take over our life The relationship consumes the individual. It pulsates with an identity which is now suddenly larger than life. For someone who knows what he/she wants, it is a bitter pill. Cliches like adjustments, sacrifices, compromises clamour for attention. The sad part is that in reality, what we call life, is a series of cliches - because it happens ever so often.


"Commitment, possession, authority - our society has these demands in order. Countering these and most ineffectively so are personal space, freedom, choices. Fun and games over, responsibilities step in. Perfection and it’s rose tinted glasses are put through a rigorous eye test. We can fail to see eye to eye over the same things. The conflicts begin," felt Puja, single by choice. The TV volume is murdered by dislocating the cable. The living room and life both suddenly become a "garbage dump full of your shit." Broken dreams, money problems surface.We get stamped as " unhappy ever after."

Past perfect, present tense."I want everyday to be like a first date," doesn’t happen anymore.We start taking each other for granted. The relationship goes through vomitting bouts of morning sickness. Reality seeps in, "life is never perfect yaar." "Paune baraah baje," what the hell are we doing out in the labryinth of life’s streets, "what’s going on"
What’s going on is a reality show. The caring, sharing, total honesty, respect, commitment that make a relationship reach near perfection have to be given their due. We turn down the volume, don’t litter the living room, drive endlessly into the night to find the right flavour of icecream, take dreaded blood tests, even converse like decent human beings and not screech at each other like wild cats.

This is complete honesty. This is real life. Love is not blind. It sees all, conquers all. Our habits, fads, complexities, simplicities are all muddled up into one bundle of perfect imperfections. We can begin by wondering, men and women belong to different planets, who the hell put them on earth At such moments we can see someone up there chuckling merrily, having the last laugh. "Relationships thankfully has till now have escaped the "dial -a - meal" syndrome," wryly adds Sakshi, newly engaged and very much in love.

Man versus woman, "part two" begins. The labour pains, the deep breathing, the yelling and screaming, makes us "push". We recognise the need to balance between the individual, deal with the imperfections, revel in the perfections. The "big fight" turns into a love story where love means never having to say you are sorry. Truthfully we face facts, " I’ll be your best friend. I am incomplete without you. I’m alone." "When we met…. I fell in love with your perfection." Then I saw your anger, moodswings, saw you vomit on my carpet, saw you in a double size. "I don’t love you ‘inspite’ of these. I love you for all of it."
The "forever" factor just took over. Recognition that "life is never perfect, I am not perfect, you are not perfect," is the only way to live it and that too happily. Together is better than usunder. For life is funny, serious, tender, tough, it’s like a fairy tale with a squint. Falling in love is easy, being in love is the tough part. We come to love not by finding a perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. Our dil goes hmmm……