Come out, shame them

Mita Kapur

DEFYING ALL BOUNDARIES
The list is endless. These women are nameless for it doesnt really matter what their names are. What is the right way to define sexual harassment Is it where the human being is endangered and not engendered Where the sex is pushed into a state of denial Where the feminity of a woman is objectified Where the self-proclaimed patriarchs of the society guard their own insecurities in the face of the depth and resilience of a womans character  Sexual harassment defies all boundaries. Can one look at it as a violation of ones sense of self-worth Working women are expected to deal with such pressures if theyve stepped out of the house. Are they supposed to accept a pat on the bottom as a casual, friendly overture A joke with sexual innuendo as office rapport A leering smile as if it is the most normal response A brush of the hand as an oft-repeated accident Again the list is endless.
I am not touching issues like rape, molestation. For a woman, sexual harassment encompasses the emotional trauma, an assault on the dignity, self-respect, a betrayal of trust, the lowliest form of humiliation. It is a mutilation of the spirit, a struggle that defeats most who buckle under pressure. Frustration, depression, fear, anger, guilt, a sheer helplessness fall into their lot, because they are, more often than not, blamed, doubted, judged, socially ostracised or fired.

BE WHAT YOU ARE:
A college lecturer took study leave to coincide with bringing up her son. She was threatened she would lose a plum government appointment if she didnt get back to work. This lady was not cornered, she stood up for her rights and said, "you can replace me but who will replace me in my sons life" Any job that denies us acceptance of our feminity, the fact that we are mothers, forms a part of sexual harassment. "If I have worked to reach this level, I am working for an organisation, I expect the organisation to provide a work environment that promises physical, emotional, mental security of the mind and the heart," said the lecturer. How else do you ensure productivity at optimum levels You have to create a system that works on a mutually beneficial note.   We are threatened because most positions of power are occupied by men who presume the politics of sexual power gives them the right to pass the dictum-"If youve stepped out to work, then accept the leers and jeers, accept the long hours away from your children or do not come to work at all." This is a typical male-dominated opinion coming from the stagnating patriarchal way of life that we have accepted as second nature for ourselves.  Men and women have been declared equal in the eyes of law. I could reel off the various Articles of the Constitution that ensure such equality but the valid changes have to come from within the social structure, of which the family unit is the microcosmic unit. A revolution in the mindsets of men and women has to take seed right from the beginning of an up bringing of a child.
A beginning could be made with mothers teaching their daughters to assert themselves as individuals and not suppress their lifes desires to meet the expectations of the father, brother, husband and in-laws (and the boss). Mothers could teach their sons to respect their wives as fellow companions treading the same paths and not treat her as a glorified house maid. The same mothers could do even better with giving the same respect to their daughters-in-law that they would have yearned for and not received.

CATHARTIC FIGURES
Why are we reducing ourselves to looking at cases of sexual harassment, rape, and kidnappings as mere numbers Is that all we can do- conduct surveys, arrive at statistical answers and issue reports which make headlines in newspapers like-"11000 rape cases and 12000 kidnappings reported in.." One out of every 3 women have experienced the horrors of living with sexual harassment. Its so strange that only cases to do with people in power (Rupan vs KPS Gill case) or the most recently the Shakti Kapoor and  Aman Verma cases came to light amid glorification by the media. Then also the hullabaloo created concentrated more on the myth or reality of the casting couch and the privacy rights of the offenders in question. Did anyone even give a thought to the implications of what a woman goes through under similar circumstances What happens to all those countless women who live it as part of their life everyday Kudos to the nurse who told the Delhi Court- "I will not marry him, hang him." She had been raped by a ward boy, who in his last desperate bid to save himself, came up with this ploy of offering marriage. But how many women possess the gumption to react like this The shame, the social stigma attached to bringing their own plight to light keeps most women silent and lonely in their predicament. Is it not a shame that the torchbearers of the Law forced an advocate of the Andhra Pradesh High Court to commit suicide, harassed by fellow lawyers and senior advocates Then we have Supreme Court judges issuing statements like "while a murderer destroys the physical frame of the victim, a rapist degrades and defiles the soul of a helpless female." Nothing that we dont already know.  Tut-tutting over sips of coffee in plush drawing rooms with a what- can- we- do air or raising slogans at a womens protest rally are not the two extreme solutions for this growing menace. As Ms Indira Jaising, Supreme Court lawyer said, "dont tolerate sexual harassment, you have to complain in writing, for its even more difficult to remain silent. "Silence is a killer here. A mother tutors her teenage daughters ever so often, "dont react to the passing lewd remarks on the roads, just ignore them, no point in speaking up." Why Fundamental Rights, Democracy, Freedom---